Stoopid begins

   So I've had an idea. "Experts" (People who have achieved some level of success more than most people) say that if you're unhappy with your life, change. Simple as that right!? Maybe this simple advice resonates with some people more than others and that's all of the advice that they need to make a change. Seems simple enough, but this advice for whatever reason never hits me. Maybe I'm defective like one of the cripples in World War Z that the zombies pass right around. I don't know. All I know is that I've read hundreds of self help advice lines, inspirational quotes, and other life lessons meant to make that proverbial light go on and I've got a short going on...or something.

   I'm 29 years old as of this writing and I've accomplished nothing. Sure I can speak portuguese as a second language decently (I lived in Brazil for two years) and I can cook ok, (I went to culinary school) but no matter how hard I pursue anything, I hit a wall eventually and either lose interest, or convince myself whatever it is I'm pursuing isn't for me. I consider myself as having above average intelligence, but that seems to make no difference in anything I convince myself to learn to do. In the end, I always seem to give up. Sometimes it is because I have this seemingly debilitating fear that since I can't just pick it up naturally I must be stupid. Hence the title of the blog. Other times I tell myself I must have ADHD or something because I'll get to a point where I can't concentrate on learning to do whatever it is. Think downward spiral. Which often times makes no sense. I'm trying to better myself here. Lift myself out of the mire so to speak, why then doesn't it feel that way. Why does it feel like I'm drowning or sinking? I don't know. I'm not a psychologist, I'll leave that to the professionals. Point is, I'm tired of this mindset. I've been depressed off and on and to varying degrees of significance for so long, I need to do something to change.

   Hence the reason for the blog. I was taking a shower and came up with an idea that sounded good, even though I doubt myself that I'd even be able to see such a task to any sort of completion, but the idea is, what if I chose to document my progress and thoughts as I learn to do things that I've always wanted to do. Would that somehow help me somehow? If I got to any level of competence in the things I've always wanted to learn, I could have a place to show people that I once really sucked at things, and just by doing it everyday for a long time, it could serve as some sort of inspiration that is more than some stupid quote. It could be tangible proof of progress rather than some pipe dream that never went anywhere. And I even like to dream big and imagined myself succeeding and gaining a following and could have user suggestions in the future because there are so many things that I want to be able to do. (I know, visions of grandeur and all that) If nothing else, the blog will serve me as a reminder that progress is possible.

  Right now I'm actively learning to program. The end goal is that I want to be able to make games for the OculusVR. I've loved games since I was a really young child. Watching my dad play Mario brothers on the original nintendo. Started playing Wolfenstein at the tender age of about five. (Nothing like blowing off kid stress like shooting Nazi's.) I've attempted to learn programming before by doing codecademy and working my way through a Java book, but for the same reasons as mentioned above, just couldn't stick to it. This time, I've started the youtube video series from MIT and have made it through the first couple of lessons. Optimistically I figured I could write down all the things that don't make sense and maybe some kind soul could explain it to me or it might only serve the purpose of documenting where I get stuck and as I go back and review I'll know where I've made progress and where I still need help.

   This isn't the only thing I want to learn to do though. I'm fat. I haven't always been. Just last year I was in pretty damn good shape. I was training at Gym Jones in Salt Lake City and swimming once or twice a week. Then life punched me in the gut I guess and I couldn't get myself up so I moved back home and got fat. So one of the other things I want to do is document my progress in getting in shape. I follow (want to anyways) a system called Leangains invented by Martin Berkhan. I have been reading fitness stuff ever since I dropped out of culinary school. At the time I was around 210 lbs and pretty miserable. I read and read a lot, started paleo, lost a lot of weight pretty quickly doing that, but mostly because I just wasn't eating very much, not necessarily because Paleo itself. Although, I did notice several health benefits from it. Somehow I stumbled on to Marin's site and it made more sense than anything in the fitness sphere I've ever read. It's not fake science, and there's nothing subjective about it. Following it correctly takes away all of the subjective nature of dieting, by documenting everything and sticking to a plan and how to adjust for different complications that arise. I've created the plan for myself, but haven't implemented it because, as stated before, there's some sort of fear or I just get so distracted too damn easily. I hope that this sort of forum will be  a place that keeps my honest in this regard.

   I don't know how many things one should try to start when changing one's life, but I have one more thing to add to the list for now. Seems that there needs to be some sort of balance in enough things that will keep me busy day to day, but not feel overwhelming. Three seems pretty ambitious for me, but if I don't pick enough things, I always find other things to do to occupy my mind that seem to derail my efforts. The third thing is to learn to play a musical instrument. My mom is a music major and plays the piano. You'd think I could have at least stuck to piano when I started as a kid. I started at the age of 7 and quit around the age of 11. I have enough of a base that picking it up again doesn't seem like some herculean task. I also have a guitar and a bass guitar though, so I haven't firmly decided on one of those three instruments. I'll think about a little bit more and make a decision soon, but it is going to be one of those three.

   I don't go back and edit things I write, because I'm too lazy and honestly, I just don't care. If whatever I've written seems completely incoherent, sorry. (Even though I'm really not)